Imagine that you walk up a mountain that you do not know and you come to a steep area where you can barely see the edges. Fortunately someone marked the end of the road with a barrier. Otherwise, a clueless person would accidentally fall.
Something like this is what happens with children: If on their way no one bothered to put up barriers to indicate the dangerous areas of the road, they will fall. If no one places signs in your path indicating which direction to take ... you will be lost. We explain what happens when a child grows up without limits or rules.
Although it is much easier to say yes to everything to stop hearing that unbearable cry that turned into a tantrum ... it may have helped us in the short term, but in the long term, it will take its toll. Not saying No to a child on time will have its consequences. If the child does not find limits, do you know what will happen to him when he grows up?
1. You will feel disoriented, confused. For a child, a lack of limits is understood as a lack of love and attention. And when he grows up, he will blame his parents for all of it.
2. You will feel unprotected. This generates low self-esteem and self-confidence. Limits give security. That sign that says 'be careful, it is dangerous to continue there', gives us security. The same is true of the limits we impose on children.
3. Generates a low tolerance for frustration. A child who has never had to assume that not everything is achieved in this life will not know what frustration is. When something doesn't turn out the way you want, you won't know how to cope with this new feeling.
4. He will become capricious and will not know how to value what he has. In fact, if at all times he got what he wanted, this will only fuel his desire to want more and more. And in turn, by simply getting what you want, you will lose the perception of the value that things have, since it does not require effort to achieve it. The value of the effort for him will be non-existent.
5. You will not be able to control your emotions. You will have attitude problems in the future. You will feel empty and will not be able to control your anger or sadness. And worst of all .. he will be unhappy.
6. It will be a perfect manipulator. If you managed to manipulate your parents for your own benefit from a young age, imagine what you will have learned by the time you grow up. The little tyrant may turn into a pushy and manipulative teenager.
7. You won't know how to wait. If since childhood you said yes to everything, the child will think that nothing needs effort to connect it. You will not develop the courage of patience. You will be impatient, you will act on impulse and when one day you see that you cannot achieve something immediately, you will despair and create great confusion and anger.
The easiest thing is to heed the child's requests. In a time of stress or embarrassment over a tantrum, many parents prefer to give him what he asks for. This is nothing more than a trap. This is how Patterson's negative reinforcement theory explains it, who assures that the decision to access the emotional blackmail of a child is beneficial in the short term for the parents, but it will be negative in the long term and the demands of your child will grow at an exponential rate. The child will begin to behave in a violent and aggressive way because he seeks with that call for attention those limits that he did not find.
Setting limits does not mean imposing oneself without meaning, or violating the rights of children. It does not mean not letting him speak, or giving his opinion. Setting limits doesn't mean yelling at them either. Limits can be established in a rational and consensual way, respecting certain freedoms of children and certain elasticity. For example, it does not mean that you do not let your child play at home, but that certain forms of play are not allowed at home. They can play ball at home with their hands, but you can forbid them to play soccer in the living room. To set limits:
1. They must be limits agreed with the couple. It cannot be that the father imposes limits and the mother does not agree and does not respect them. Both must agree on what children can and cannot do.
2. It establishes a certain elasticity in the rules but makes it very clear where the limit is. Perhaps you can allow them to wake up once during the meal, but only once. The rules must also be clear, that they do not create confusion. And of course, they must be explained to the children so that they understand why the limit is set.
3. Never give in. If you 'soften' before the tender gaze of your child and one day you jump one of the limits, it will be difficult to impose it again.
4. Always from respect. Imposing a limit does not mean being a tyrant and using the strength of the strongest. Limits can be applied from affection and respect.
5. The basic pillars: love and values. If you set limits based on a scale of values, your child will have a solid and reasoned foundation. Remember that values are fundamental in their education, as it serves as a guide in their learning.
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